Everybody comes to me with their problems. I like it, but it stresses me out.. Help?
Posted: January 6th, 2011 | Author: admin | Filed under: Questions | Tags: 4th quarter, cell phone, cousin, dad, facebook, god, guy friends, joke, late at night, medicine, night time, one of my best friends, parents, self injury, shoulders, sports, stress | 1 Comment »So, just in the past few months, I have had 6 people tell me they were suicidal. One of them texted me saying she had a knife, and I talked her out of it. I also talked this other girl out of it on the spot. I had one of my guy friends randomly joke about it.. and I tried to talk to him and it turns out he is suicidal. It’s really really complicated, but I don’t think he would benefit from me telling anyone about it. One of my best friends told me that she had been suicidal and it got me really worried, but not she is on medicine and is doing better. My cousin (who is my age and in my class) had her status on facebook as something like "tell my sister that I will miss her and tell my other sister that she won’t have to worry after tonight." I freaked out and called her house (she doesn’t have a cell phone), and her dad answered. He insisted it was too late at night to talk to her, so I had to tell him what she wrote. She had tried that night, but didn’t succeed, thank God!
And I have had many people tell me that they cut themselves. I’m not sure what to do in this situation because I have struggled with self injury myself. I have been extremely stressed in the 4th quarter. My parents expect straight A’s and I’m in so many sports I felt like I didn’t have enough time to get everything done. I managed to get all A’s and one B, and now school’s out.
I thought I would feel so much better with that enormous amount of stress on my shoulders, but I don’t. I always feel stressed. People tell me all their problems.. I know secrets about everyone. One girl told me she was raped by her dad when she was younger (don’t worry, her dad is in jail and can’t get to her now), another girl told me she was bisexual, etc.
I love to help people, but all this stress is killing me. The self injury is getting worse and I don’t feel like I even control it anymore. Night time is really bad, because physically, I have no energy, but my mind is always wide awake and I am forced to stay up and be alone with my thoughts. It’s a long story, but I have a lot to think about. I get flashbacks to some past abuse situations, and I physically feel myself cringe.
Little things trip memories off, and I just have to be alone. It sends me into depression and I feel like I lose my ability to communicate with people properly. One time I went to the bathroom in homeroom just to be alone and I ended up hurting myself with a pin that was in my pocket. Why? I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I just always feel confused.
And don’t be too harsh, I’m only 14..
Prioritizing your options will be one of the most essential skills in life. Do you value yourself more or those around you who make you who you are more? It’s not a rhetorical question; rather something you should just consider as you mature. Another question is are you being realistic with the expectations you place upon yourself? I’m sort of like you; I want to do everything, help everyone, get amazing grades, do all the extracurriculars, etc. But will you or I always be able to do everything, always be there at the right time, always be able to prevent something terrible? Chances are no. As you move on, away from this life and into college, out into the broader world, you’ll probably lose connection with most of these people. Their lives are pretty much out of your influence and in the hands of others. You have to realize that sometimes, you just can’t do anything. It sucks. It feels terrible. You feel that you’ve let the world down. That’s just reality. You do your best to do everything you can. Sometimes, your best isn’t enough. Sometimes everything that you throw at something will fail. That’s just reality. I think in the end, the best option is to just take a break. Let it all go. The world’s problems are not your problems. You can’t help people unless you’re fine yourself. Focus on yourself first. It sounds self-centered, but it’s the best option you’ve got. Your not a psychiatrist and although your friends should be able to talk to you about stuff, you can’t replace a professional. Some things you have to let other people deal with. If you have any more questions, want advice, something clarified, shoot me an email: fri3dcatfish@gmail.com.