Hi can you tell me if this is any good if you want to read more just ask :)?
Posted: July 6th, 2011 | Author: admin | Filed under: Questions | Tags: best friend, black hair, black shorts, bush, cell phone, dark brown eyes, dark forest, fingers, grammer, light sweater, lily, mom, Pocket knife, spelling, swipe, time of need, trees | 4 Comments »(warning maybe a lot of spelling and grammer mistakes I have a learning disabilty so srry)
I walked into the cold damp forest, with bare feet and a light sweater with black shorts. As I walked past the trees, I let them swipe my hand. The bark was cold, I felt my fingers tingel but they hurt. I stopped and pulled out my black and sliver pocket knife, and I started carving into the tree. There was a noise coming out of the bush that was behind me. I stopped and dropped my knife I was scared.
I tall figuer stepped out, he was tan, with black hair and dark brown eyes. He spoke softly to me, "Karen come back with me I want to, we want to exsplane Karen," he put his hand foward I backed up into the tree.
I picked my knife, and didn’t think twise, I pointed it at him. "You bastered you think you can come out here to come get me, you make me sick to even look at you. I wish the both of you were dead," he stayed quite, "so why do you want to bring me back so you can tell me why your sleeping with my mother!" at that point I started to yell and cry.
He looked at the ground finding, what words to say "at lest you didn’t find out from lily…"
I turnned to the tree and sat down in front of it "she knew to" I couldn’t believe it the girl I shared most of my life with my best friend she had been lieing to me to this hole time… "do not tell me you slept with her too" I yelled at him, he still didn’t say anything. "Tell me it’s not ture, tell me!" I yelled. I took my cell phone at of my pocket and thrown it at him. I ran he started chaceing me I ran so fast that he was not able to keep up with me. I lost him in the deep dark forest. Now I was lost my self. My life was ruined, it was all about do good in your junior year. Have your friend one who you could depended on in a time of need. I boyfriend for someone to be there for you. When all else failed at least I would have my mom… Nothing what I was ever told was ture. I had it with them I’m done.
I started to run again, till I was on the other side of the forest. Then I saw light on the other side I ran to it in hopes of getting out. As soon as I stepped out, I tripped over a rock on to a guy who was a few inchs taller then me. I fell on top of him, when I open my eyes I was looking into his dark blue eyes. I had suddenly realized that I was still on him. I got off and stood my self up. I didn’t know what to do I had mud and dirt all over me I stayed silent. He looked at me sweetly and asked, "why are you crying? Are you ok?"
I shook my head I knew I wasn’t ok I was damp and cold. I didn’t want to move. All I could say to him was that "I’m cold." nothing else. He took off his coat and put it around me and we just started walking. I had no idea were I was going my face was red and I wasn’t sure if I had a cut on my lip. All I did know everything was hurting. We walked into a big white house where everything looked like it belonged inside a log cabbin. But it was cozy and warm it
Ok if you want to read
more
I guess put ur email and I can send u parts also here my email for the people who commented and can’t comment again =) jessicadelgado22893@yahoo.com just send an email saying you want a copy or something like that
parts of it were good but others not as much. U do have spelling to work on i know u said and i understand. But a few parts that werent the best were wen u said ‘i was scared.’ dont tell us ur scared show it. I was a little lost by her knowing him and him sleeping with her mom. I thot of shom perv who came from nowhere and she didnt know. also u cant skip so quickly to throwing she fone at him and then running off. U didnt explain it well enough. Make it flow and not so choppy. But most parts were very good. Just need some polish and i think wuld be awesome!
I thought this was great. I thought it was especially great that you could achieve something like this great piece of writing with a learning disability. Don’t let critics tell you what you can or cannot do, believe in yourself and you can accomplish something great. You don’t need someone like me on yahoo! answers telling you if you’re good or not. Trust yourself and you will go far. And don’t apologize for who you are, just accept yourself and others will too:) (confidence!)
DD
That’s really good! Keep writing ur really goood at it! =] can I read more?
It’s good WELL wanted to read more!